It's personal.
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it's just you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections." Author unknown.
I am proud to say that I have found my happy place and yet it doesn't mean that I have stopped trying to be happier. There is just so much to this world that you can achieve, and it took me 24 years to realise that everything will be OK if you don't try to deny the happiness that is around you. It wasn't without help of one special man in my life that I feel the way I do today, and I cannot thank him enough for showing me how good it can be to wake up in the morning, get your cup of caramel coffee and live another day feeling alive, feeling loved and wanted.
This is not your regular "Dear diary" kind of a blog, and it never will be. It is more of a my way of sharing the thoughts I have, the feelings I feel without making it boring to read if anyone ever stumbles upon it on the internet. At this point the settings are on private and I keep it personal, but who knows, maybe in a few months time I will want to share my posts on having a happy life with others. Maybe. So far my main ingredient to being happy is a real man in your life. This is where people might go on saying I'm wrong and it's not about love, it's about self development. Yes, yes it is. But in my life I had no motivation to see the beauty that is around me every day. I felt like everyone is trying to stab me in the back and lie to my face, having trust issues and just generally felt like there is no good in life. Then he came into my life and was lifting me up every time I fell, kept re-assuring me that life can be different and I just need to try and see it. It took him so many months to convince me to open up to him, and not everyone can sacrifice so much time and emotions to "fix" something that was as broken as I was. I had nothing and I was empty inside, didn't care about what tomorrow brings because I thought there can't be anything good for me. Just existed, lived every day just to go to bed in the evening and start a new mundane day all over again in the morning.
That is all in the past now. He has shown me how different life can be, how you can go outside and see the beauty of the world, learn, smile, make memories you'd never want to forget. And I am a different person to who I was just a year ago. I actually started thinking about future, dreaming, making plans and I am absolutely in love with this man. All I needed was him to break me out of my shell, talk to me, hug me when I felt down and never let me feel alone.
I still have days when I go back to feeling anxious about life, I always will have this fear of taking big steps that may change my life for better just because it will always be a little bit out of my comfort zone, but I am learning to embrace the changes as so far it only led to better things.
Long story short, this is a small intro to what I want to say. As life is all about figuring it out and not settling for less than happy. You just need to figure out what will be your motivation to live - a new job, travel, having a dream or, like mine - love. Pure, real, unconditional love for a man that has changed my life forever. Find your happy in you. And I know it may sound too optimistic when the days you live don't seem to bring any hope, but as soon as you have something good to wake up to every day of your life, everything will suddenly make so much sense. Every tear, every pain and heartbreak, it will all make sense.
I am not saying that the world is perfect and nothing can hurt you. I will always remember to be realistic about it. But at the same time I choose to overlook the hate and do what makes me happy even if it means lighting your favourite scented candle, cuddling up next to the man you love on the sofa, grabbing a good book and a cup of tea or writing this little post that can be a start of something so much bigger than my evening hobby. Maybe. We will see where it gets to, but for now It's Personal.
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